From the Past continuing forward …

compassionI wrote this poem following the shootings at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, in December of 2012. Although it is very specific to that event, it can be extrapolated to apply to the difficult times that arise day to day in our own time-frame … in our own lives. I may re-work the wording to update the thoughts … or leave it as is …

Finding equilibrium : On Sandy Hook

On Sandy Hook

( written 12/16/12)

Oh, beloveds,

where is the container for my grief?

I have no beautiful earthenware jar

in which to delicately place the fragile achings of my heart.

I have no shelf at the ready for storing such tragedy.

No door to close secreting away my tears and wailings.

Oh, beloveds,

        I am left to tend these woundings with my soul’s dear care.

Peaceful equilibrium begins to wrap gentle arms around me

         Saying, “All is complete, love knows no boundaries.

        Hatred will bind you; anger will destroy your will.

        Compassion for all, not just for some, is your freedom now.”

Oh, beloveds,

        would you think me a mad-woman

        knowing my first thoughts are to love the madman,

                to feel deep compassion for the depth of his pain,

his anguish, his terror?

Who exists in the cold hell of his own creations;

Absent of love, or joy, or contentment.    

Would you think me lost in my own delusions

                Knowing my heart aches most deeply for his family

                Who will be shunned, and rejected, and accused.

                Who will be as hated as he; subjected to the trial

                        of public opinion.

There will be no respite for his beloveds.

        No loving outreach.

My grief is deep for such as this.

Oh, beloveds,

        Would you think me unkind?

Knowing I turn my heart to the children and their beloveds

                only after I have given my prayers for the madman and his family?

        The children, their families, are held in the gentle care

of a world distraught by those losses.

A loving world that holds in their hearts a sacred space for healing,

a community of souls that eases the path of transition

         from “before” to the “eternal now”. 

Oh, beloveds,

        My compassion is not “more” or “less”, only fully encompassing.

        For within the act of the madman

                Am I not torn apart to release my compassionate depth?

                Am I not drawn to love, for no reason, those I do not know?

                Am I not humbled to my knees in deep gratitude

 for the fragile gift of this one precious life I am given?     

Is this not the time, the only time I have among thousands,

to fully open my heart to the abundant All of humanity?

        I seek a quiet peace in the midst of the chaos and horror

                 by residing in the absolute emptiness of pure Love.

It is only in opening to compassion for both the madman and the children

                that I may find my own peace in living,

to not be crushed by the weight of it all.

Oh, my beloveds,

        such is the container for my grief.


Kathryn Fiske